new addition

Pete and I had been talking about it for a while. Gone over the pros and cons, talked about what it would mean.

Two days ago, he told me about some kittens that needed homes. And that got the conversation started. Of course, he totally gets me : "I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't sure it's what I wanted." Clever, smart, wonderful Pete.

Instead of taking one of those kittens, I was looking online to see what was out there. This is a serious decision, it's a lifelong decision.

And then, I saw this :




I was totally sold. The lil' toupee? Oh, yes. In love.

When Pete got home, we talked about it a bit more. This kitten was quite a drive (about an hour and a half each way), but I had to go. When I opened the door? I just knew. He came right up to me and sat down, looked up, and gave a sweet little meow.
The drive home wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined. He was a little scared, but settled down quickly.
At home, he followed me around for the first two or three minutes while I set up his food & water dish and showed him the litter box, then realized Pete's gunna be the fun one around here. Pete named him "Spot", which makes me laugh.

After getting the lay of the land, Spot settled down for a nap on the couch and we went to bed. A few minutes (and a contimplative *mew* = where have those silly people gone?) later, Spot jumped up on the bed and attacked our toes before curling in between us and falling asleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night and watched them sleeping. I can't even describe how big I smiled.

This morning at work, I get this text: I just had a fantastic nap with the cutest lil dude in the world curled up on my lap.
And I think my heart exploded a little bit.

My guys are the absolute best.

p.s. more pictures coming. This is the only one I have so far as it was too dark for pictures when we got home last night. Oh, crap. I am becoming that person.

motorin'

Thursday night when Pete got home, we decided to go out for dinner. And we were thinking about meeting up with some friends later on for a haunted hayride*.

We're driving along some main roads (four lanes on each side of the divided highway) and Pete pulls in to do the Michigan Left thing. We go to merge and BAM.

Fuck.

The car we hit goes up onto the sidewalk. Thank god there wasn't a pole there. Thank god no other cars were coming. Thank god everyone is okay.
That's all we were able to say to each other as we pull into a parking lot to call the police and look at the damage. The damage was pretty extensive.
The poor guy in the other car, though. It's new (within the last year) and he's been hit three times. He was laughing about his car being "Christine". Yeah, I think you might be right.

After the police leave, we chug the car home (luckily we were only about 3 miles away) and sit down for The Talk. The "if Jenni had a car this would be easier" conversation. We've had it a few times in the last four months, and although Pete's agreed with my point of view, he's been holding back.
When my car bit it, financially it made sense to leave us at one car. We were also moving and I'm just under a mile & a half from work - walking isn't an issue.
But if I'd have had a car, we wouldn't be without one now while ours gets fixed (luckily Pete's Dad is giving him a ride to work this week). And we both know it's going to start snowing within the next month (I know, shut up, right? But this is Michigan and we've almost always had snow on Halloween) and while I can deal with walking in the cold, no thanks to walking in the white out conditions we're guaranteed to see in December or January.
Pete can and does pick me up from work most days, but I'm also looking for a different job** and that will be so much easier if we're not playing musical drivers with our one vehicle.

And totally selfishly - this is the first time in sixteen years that I've been without a car. Although I'd like to look at it differently (and I've tried), it feels like I've lost some of my freedom.

So, after getting the bills from this all set, we're going to see what our options are.

I have to admit, I'm really excited about it! I'm sorry we had to go through so much to get here, but ... yay. Yay car.

* sadly, we didn't get to do this at all. Maybe next weekend?
** a whole other ball o' stress there

in tha staaaahs

My friend did an astrological chart for me a while back. While I don’t generally believe in horoscopes and stuff (because they don’t always fit), she’s getting really into it and I figured it’d be fun.

It was a really long and sometimes contradictory chart, which doesn’t surprise me at all. I’m like that : totally open minded and understanding with everyone else, but really hard and exacting on myself. We had a really good laugh over it and then I threw the email in a side folder and mostly forgot about the thing.

Today I was cleaning out my email and I found it. This section really caught my attention

Jupiter Opposition Pluto
Your tendency will be to make career moves that restrict or inhibit your opportunities for inner growth and change. You can manage to get yourself installed in a job that, while good for finances, is a dead end for you from the point of view of personal change. The worst part is that you get combative toward any challenge to your right to avoid situations that require grow and change.

That is SO right on for me. It absolutely, perfectly describes what I've gone through.

I've been very lucky. Every job I've taken has been a step up from the job I was leaving. Even facing massive layoffs, I got out (walked out) just in time. I'm generally finding the right opportunity just when I need it.

But.

But these jobs? Even when it's different, it's always the same.
The last different job I've had was up north, before I moved. Five years at the airport. It was challenging. Every day was different in a way. I learned a lot between the monthly training and getting out and doing.
The only thing I hadn't gotten the hang of, was never brave enough to try : backing the airplane into the hangar. I could back in it, I could tow .. hell, I even got brave enough to jump onto the deicing tower right before I left.

Since my move down here, I've had three jobs. They all started differently and somehow morphed into having the exact same problems. The first place I worked we call HellCor.
Today, four of the five of us working all worked at HellCor together way back when. We've spent the last two hours talking about how similar it's gotten here.
And I'm tired of this. Tired of the same conversations and the same feeling of helplessness. Bored of the ache I get every time I think about being here, especially on the weekend. Ready for a change.

I don't quite have the strength to jump into something completely different (and what would that even be?) but I'm afraid to end up exactly where I am now. Again.
I have a vision of myself, getting ready for work every morning and not already starting to count the minutes. Spending weekends with Pete and my friends. Actually working towards something that isn't just not this.
And not having this issue stand in the way of everything else.

a lull

I’ve been looking at this page for a while now. Days, maybe? Something like that.

There's a lot I want to say. But I'm not sure how to start or if I'd even want to hit publish when I was done.

Nothing's wrong. Everything's right and wonderful.

Our friends got married, and it was amazing. The venue was beautiful, the bride breathtaking. The ex and I knew we were going to run into each other for the first time since the breakup almost two years ago, and that was a lot less awkward than any of us anticipated. I know you're probably thinking 'Two years - who still cares??' And you're right. But it's a small group of friends and I hadn't seen some of them since the breakup.

Another ex got married last week, and that went well too (even with his "bet you thought I'd never do that!!" email).

There's been a lot of snugglin' down in the apartment because of the near-torrential rain we've gotten. But that's been good, too. The weather could've been so much worse.

We bought Spore the other day, and I'm totally addicted. So is Pete. Luckily we've been pretty great about sharing so far. :P

There've been carnivals and visits from my parents and nights out with friends. One night in particular where I got home at 4am feeling like I knew one of my besties more than I ever had, and so grateful to be coming home to my sweetness. But inside I'm just sort of ... breathing, taking it all in.

I feel like I should be out there, taking pictures or picking the last of the flowers or splashing in puddles or doing sun dances.

Soon I'll jump back in and have much more to share. But for now ...

overcoming fears

Years ago I tried to donate blood. It went horribly, and along with the fact I had to get blood drawn by my doctor more than I even want to think about over the last ten years, I pretty much decided I wasn't going to do it.

They were doing a Red Cross blood drive at work the other day. My friend Nikki decided that she was going to try for the first time. I got in line with her, realizing how important it is, and that it was time to get over my silly fear.

It ended up that Nikki's iron was too low to donate, but I could.

The nurse tried really hard (I have weird veins and they always have to take from the same spot, otherwise there're problems) and she missed on the first try. OUCH!
The second try went better and I was set.

Twenty minutes later I was back at my desk, and proud that I had faced my fear and done it. It sounds like such a little thing, but just dealing with it made me feel great.

If you can donate, please do.